Rah-mu-dhun

So this is my second ramadan in YK. Yes, it is my second even though this is my first year of college.   Yep, had my first last year in 2014.

Thats what you get when you're SUCH a lazy ass, back in high school. Looking for a decent and good college is not easy lykkk at all. I was confused, partly naive and unrealistic. I didn't know what I want, what major would I choose and so on and it made me lose focus on what I have to fight for. I was so confused that I made appointments with several psychologists, just to know what I actually wanted. I wanted to get in to dentistry, any engineering, and any economics things. Naive cause I was fighting for something out of my league. While everybody knows that I'm not a big fan of studying in a long intense period of time. Unrealistic because I was still a lazy ass back then, I didnt really study like what I should have been with the big dreams on my head. I was just simply lost.

Then my dad started to actually intervene by forcing me to apply to FEB IUP UGM, FK IUP UGM, and FK UII. So yeah I flew to Jogja and I swear to God I was that desperate that I nearly cried in my solo flight to Jogja, I remember it was a sunny sad day though. Long story short, had those tests in ramadan for like a week and a half. Went back to PKU for like 2/3 days and had to go back to YK because apparently I have to attend the interview part since I got accepted in FK UII (which I didn't plan at all). Stayed in YK for a few days and went back to PKU for another few days (which I thought was for good), before I actually left for YK again cause I got accepted in FEB UGM and I had to re-registered myself before the deadline. It was emotionally and physically exhausting. I didn't go back to PKU since its like few days left to lebaran so my dad told me to go to JKT instead cause my family would go there too so yeah.

Thats what my ramadan looked like last year, imagine I did all of those things alone. Those annoyingly tiring flights, the stress I have to deal with in sahur and had my depressing iftar alone in a city where I don't really know anyone who I can play with.  Well my cousin accompany me for a few times, but it was just to drive me to the test place. My bro visited me too, but it was only for 3 days. I survived though, with a little tears here and there. With a little hospital visit. With a little sadly-alone shopping in the mall. But I do not want to go through that again. Ever.

This 2 days of ramadan is not as hard as last year though, although I got finals in these past 2 days. But its still better than the uncertainty last year. Well my first sahur was sad. Only slept for like an hour before I got a wake up call for sahur (because I was sadly studying for accounting), had my meal given by Pak Iban while watching some family togetherness in the TV. I never really say that I miss my mom or dad to em, because I don't want them to worry about me. I don't want them to be sad for me. I don't want them to come just because I miss them, no. But the time I speak to em on the phone,  asked them about their sahur.

 I was so sad that I had to miss out my sahur routines with them, the sahur routines I get along with since nobody knows when. Yep, the routine where your mom and tried so hard to wake you up, from the cute method to the ngeselin method. The time where you just eat what ever it is on the table with your loved ones. The Subuh prayer. It was simple but it is just too precious. Told them I miss them, almost cried but I didn't. But the time I hung up, tears just spontaneously came out of my eyes. Called my bro though, crying and whining about my lonely sad sahur. I was expecting a sad dramatic wise words but he chose to laugh. Its okay though, he was just being him. And it actually made me feel better.


But God is good, guys. I have friends here now. Great ones. The iftar and the taraweh is not as lonely as I thought it would be. Had a good times with them. Swear to God this year is definitely better than last year. College is fun. Its weird how I like it more than high school lol.

Yo!

32.
Yes, I'm here.
Breathing in the air of desperation and exhaustion.
Sitting on a couch made of fear.
Looking at the light that blinded.
Confused.

32.
Yes, I'm confused.
Empty ashtray so shiny.
Blinking light so intimidating.
Voices so sad.
Waiting.

Yes, lagi di warnet bilik 32. Ngopy film. Maaf gabisa puitis.


HAHA.
Bye.